Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Other Side of Mother's Day

Although I have made it to the "other side", I usually spend part of Mother's Day remembering how I used to hate this day. I think about all the women I know or have known that have never made it or are still trying to get here. Throughout six long years of infertility, this day was often the worst. Dragging myself out of bed and going out was an achievement as it seemed every place we went I was faced with the cheerful person asking "Are you a mother?"

I remember wondering if I was ever lucky enough to make it to the "other side" would I look back on those years and think "it wasn't that bad". Having been on the other side for 3.5 years now I can honestly answer, "Yes, it was THAT bad". It was hard - harder than most people (the lucky 5 of 6 that don't have the problem) could ever know. It is truly an experience that you have to live to understand - just like being a parent of a child with special needs. When you have a child with special needs, it is usually pretty easy to get compassion from the general public. When you have infertility, you're pretty much on your own.

I'm not sure why I'm blogging about this other than the fact that I've promised to write everyday for the month. And I can't get through this day without thinking about it all. It makes me even more grateful for Bennett. Because as difficult as our lives can be at times, at the end of the day, I have my gorgeous son who is still more than willing to smother me with hugs and kisses.

If you know someone with infertility be kind and gentle. Remember that flippant comments are usually not helpful. Give them a break if they don't want to hang out with you or your kids sometimes, but be sure to always invite them anyway. Remember that it's ok for them to be selfish occasionally because sometimes that's what you have to do to protect your heart. Most of all make sure they know that you love them anyway.

If anyone reading this blog is currently living through the nightmare that is infertility, my wish for you is success in whatever method you use to build your family and there are many different ways. I also hope you find peace as you make the difficult decision to keep on trying or the even more courageous decision to stop.

To everyone else, Happy Mother's Day. I hope you spend the day being showered with love and appreciation grateful for the wonderful privilege of being called "Mom".


Anonymous said...

Happy Mothers Day to the best Mommy in the world.

Bennett and Murphy

PS with a little help typing from Daddy

Barbara said...

Thanks Bennett and Murphy and Daddy. You guys are swell too.