Thursday, February 21, 2008

Our Story: Part 1

I am going to do a couple posts to provide a little background of everything that happened leading up to Bennett's diagnosis. The last two years have been quite a wild ride. In fact, if I hadn't lived through it all, I wouldn't even believe it. I remember people saying - life can change forever in an instant. I've learned just how true that is.


Jim and I got married on September 30, 2000. At least I'm pretty sure that was the date - he'll be quick to correct me if I'm wrong. For some reason, I have a difficult time remembering the day but not the year. We actually tried to start our family before the wedding (I'm sure our beloved family members are shocked - I apologize). I remember naively hoping that I wouldn't be pregnant for our honeymoon - which was a wonderful trip to France.

Needless to say, I didn't get pregnant then or anytime during the next 6 years. We sought medical help after one year and I will admit that I wasn't too worried. After all, we were young and medical science can pretty much do anything, right? What followed was the typical 6 month trial of clomid. After that didn't work, we decided that it was time to see a doctor that specialized in infertility rather than an ob/gyn who typically knows very little about infertility.

To make a long story short, after 6 years, 3 different doctors, 5 iui (intrauterine insemination), 2 ivfs (invitro fertilization) and 1 fet (frozen embryo transfer) we were still nowhere. We had pretty much tried everything medical science had to offer. We were two tired, broken hearted people. Some would ask the obvious question - Why didn't we "just" adopt? First of all, if anyone ever tells you to "just" do something, be very suspicious. Because usually whatever they're suggesting is not easy. The answer is, Jim and I looked into adoption - we considered it very seriously. We went to seminars, we read, we talked to other adoptive parents. However, after much thought, soul searching and consideration, we decided, that adoption, although a wonderful thing, was not right for us at that time.

We decided to try a couple more iui and one more ivf and then evaluate from there. Well, somehow, iui #6 did the trick. We were surprised, the doctor was surprised, even his staff were surprised! The next 5.5 months were fairly uneventful. When I was 19 weeks pregnant we had a 3D ultrasound done and found out we were having a boy. I was just relieved it was an actual baby - after so many years of not being pregnant, it was almost impossible to believe that I was.

Infertility is extremely hard to deal with - it is a life changing event and without a doubt it has changed Jim and I forever. Neither one of us will ever forget what it is like and how painful and isolating it can be. Like most difficult things, it can be hard to understand unless you've lived it. Having Bennett has eased the pain, but nothing will erase what we went through.

So why have I added this information to the blog? Well, mainly because I want people to understand how desperately we wanted Bennett and how for us he was a miracle before he was even born. It made what happened next even scarier and more heartbreaking. Because what happened at the 5.5 month of my pregnancy, no one could have expected or prepared for.

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