Overwhelmed

I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately so please let me indulge in some whine. Feel free not to read.

Bennett
A) Starting Daycare – Exciting but scary. Will he like it? Will it be good for him? Will he be sick with colds all the time?
B) The Brace – Apparently it’s the widest brace ever made. We have an appt tomorrow to hopefully fix it. In the meantime we have a useless $1200 piece of plastic.
C) Walker – Brand new with a seat, back rest and harness. The rubber stoppers are stiff and he can’t propel it very well on his own. Because his left side is stronger he tends to drift so we’ve added 6 pounds of weights to try to correct it. So, this 22 month old kid with CP is trying to drag a 10 pound piece of aluminum with him as he learns to walk. He’s still smiling – I’m not.
D) Therapies – Right now we have all 3 therapies happening. That’s a lot of appointments and lots of homework. Of course, I still feel like I’m not doing enough.

Me
A) 2nd anniversary of the accident – This is now my life. I am done healing. I won’t get any better. Last year, I still had hope that things would improve. Now I’m coping with the fact that they won’t.
B) Legal crap – Can’t say much about this. Just appointments, paperwork, assessments, etc….

C) Teeth – I haven’t been to a dentist in about 3 years. I’ve always been meticulous about my dental health. I appreciate all the money my parents spent fixing my teeth. However, first I was pregnant, then the accident, then more surgeries, then cerebral palsy. I’ve been so busy worrying about losing Bennett, my life and my leg that the prospect of losing a couple teeth hasn’t seemed that important. But I know I have at least one cavity and a wisdom tooth that needs to come out. I also dread hearing the lecture about how I need to brush more, floss more, go to the dentist more…
D) CT Scan – My orthopedic surgeon has requested a CT scan of my ankle which apparently isn’t looking so great. I’m too terrified to book it. Every time I pick up the phone I put it down and walk away.
E) Frazzled – I’ve always taken pride in my organization skills. However, lately I’ve been double booking appointments. I’ve purchased a day planner for 2009 – hopefully that will help. My current wall calendar is such a mess that I can barely distinguish the dates anymore.

House
A) Hot tub – our hot tub hasn’t been working and it’s taking FOREVER to get it fixed. What – you have a HOT TUB? Yes - and it provides me with wonderful relief, however I haven’t been able to use it in months.
B) Mouse in the house – Nothing against mice but I don’t like them living in my house.
C) Unfinished projects – So many little things in the house need to be done and neither one of us seem able to find the time. In the grand scheme of things, the odd piece of missing trim is small potatoes but it still bugs my borderline OCD personality.

Bowser
A) Paws – Bowser has been licking his paws so much they’re raw. At first I thought it was just anxiety and everything that has happened in the last couple years had caught up to him. I put off taking him to the vet because I was afraid it could be something terrible and felt I couldn’t take anymore. I took him in last week. The vet suspects it is an allergic reaction that has snowballed and has prescribed medication. Hopefully this works because if it doesn’t it could be an immune disorder which is quite serious. I feel so GUILTY and ashamed that I let my sweet dog suffer just because of my own selfish fears.
B) Pee - Bowser is doing better but the medication makes him pee a lot and by a lot, I mean every hour. As you can imagine this is a problem at night. So, I’ve been cleaning up messes every day.

So, those are just some of the highlights of what’s been going on in my life lately. And worst of all (not really, but I’m just trying to lighten the mood) I have been dying for a homemade apple pie. I have the ingredients and the pie plate has been sitting on my counter for days waiting for me, but I can’t seem to find the time. Maybe tomorrow……………..