Two Years

Warning: This post is pretty much about me. I promise to return to my regularly scheduled programming soon.

It’s hard to believe that it has been two years since the accident that has forever changed my life, Bennett’s life and the lives of my family. In some ways it seems like it happened a long time ago and in others it feels like yesterday. In a heartbeat I can go back there – hanging inside a dark, smoky van. I admit that I go back there often – almost every day. But I usually don’t stay long. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of it, but I can honestly say it doesn’t dominate my life – a little boy with big blue eyes does though.

I can no longer really remember what it’s like to walk normally and without pain – to get up in the middle of the night and walk to the washroom rather than stretch and reach for my crutches. Sometimes it’s hard to remember the girl (yeah I still think of myself that way) with the wicked backhand that played tennis for hours or the girl that traveled to Egypt and Greece by herself without a fear or care in the world. The girl that crawled into one of the amazing pyramids on the Giza plateau, or climbed to the top of the Arc de Triomphe and Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, who climbed Mount Skiddaw in England, who walked all day along the canals and streets of Venice, who danced a silly one legged dance in Barcelona. It’s even harder to think that I’ll never do any of those things again. When I get too down about this I remind myself that I’ll do other things and some things I’ll do more slowly or differently. And at least I got to do many of these things once. The next time I’m in Paris, rather than climb some monument, perhaps I’ll be forced to drink a couple extra glasses of excellent red wine while chewing on a baguette with fresh cheese while sitting outside soaking in the Parisian atmosphere. The next time I’m in Venice, maybe I’ll travel by gondola rather than on foot. When in Egypt, I’ll spend even more time speaking with the warm, wonderful people that call that country home.

In the meantime, I continue to remind myself that I still have my sense of adventure. I’m the same girl that played glow in the dark mini-putt on my crutches and went snorkeling while kicking with one leg and swam with the dolphins while in Cuba.

I often think of the other people who were there that day – people who stopped to help. It must have been an awful day that haunts them too. They were ordinary people thrust into an extraordinary situation. Everyone there responded courageously and I will be forever grateful. They restored my faith in the strength of the human spirit and reminded me in that in a world that can often seem scary, most people are good.

I know things could have been so much worse that day. You may call it luck, divine intervention or whatever – it doesn’t matter to me, but I know that I am very fortunate. I still have my leg, I can walk (it’s not pretty) and most importantly, I have Bennett and although he has cerebral palsy, he is healthy, happy and the light of our lives.

I saw my orthopedic surgeon yesterday. He’s a great doctor and even better, he’s a good man. He has taken good care of me since day one, shared information as he thought I could handle it and treated me with respect and compassion. Our visits are always emotional for me as we talk about how well we both remember that day. It’s good that we get along because we’ll be seeing each other for quite a while. My knee is looking ok but the ankle – not so much. More tests and perhaps more surgeries await me. But, as my doctor reminded me, we’ll take it one thing at time and try not to worry too much.

What did I do to “celebrate” my anniversary? Well, I went camping with Jim, Bennett and Bowser. I enjoyed a morning snuggle with my favourite guys, went out for breakfast and laughed as Bennett flirted and waved at everyone. Later we went for a walk with the dog in the park. That night we sat by the campfire and made s’mores – something I’ve never done believe it or not. After two s’mores, I’d had s’enough – those things are awfully sweet! All in all a pretty good way to spend the day. I’ll admit that I spent a lot of time thinking about the past, present and future and not all of it was good. But overall, I ended the day with one thought: I’m a different girl but I’m also a lucky girl and I’m oh so grateful for all that I have in my life.