This past Saturday September 19, 2009 marked the third anniversary of the car accident that changed the lives of my little family forever. Like last year we went camping and enjoyed a spectacular fall weekend. Despite the glorious weather I found myself in a melancholy if not downright grumpy mood on Saturday - very much consumed by thoughts of how things used to be and what could or should have been. Fortunately for myself and all those around me these days don't happen very often. Actually it's quite rare and I am confident that Jim would agree wholeheartedly that I seldom complain.
What if thinking is a waste of time just as dwelling on the past. Feeling sorry for oneself also accomplishes nothing. Focusing on the good stuff and putting my head down and getting to work is how I usually cope. However on this day I gave myself permission to wallow in my grief firm in my conviction that things would be better tomorrow and sure enough that is what happened. Maybe sometimes you need to take a look at and feel sad for what you've lost to truly appreciate what you still have.
I continue to have some hope for myself and am currently seeking another opinion from a fourth orthopedic surgeon. I have more hope for Bennett's future but also realize that we have years of hard work ahead. We have a lot going for us - determination and the love and support of family and friends. We'll get "there" eventually wherever that is. I know that our expectations and our destinations will change but we'll keep on trying to have as much fun as we can along the way!
*Footnote: I DO believe in accidents and I DON'T believe that all of this happened for a reason. I can respect that you may not agree but ask if that is your belief then please keep it to yourself in this case as I don't find it helpful. I believe that things happen in life - good and bad. It is what it is and you have to play the hand you're dealt. It's how you play that matters.
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8 comments:
Hey Barbara!
I'm glad you had a good time camping despite being rather sad on Saturday, and rightfully so. It was obviously life-changing, in a bad way, so it's hard not to think about the "what if it didn't happens". I have no real advice for you, but I wanted to say that we all have days like that. I know that doesn't make it any better, or make it go away but sometimes it helps to know you're not alone. I know from reading your blog that you are a STRONG person. This accident may have stopped you from doing some things, but it hasn't stopped you from being a great mum to Bennett and a strong woman. In fact, maybe it has strengthened your strength (if that makes sense!). So hold your head up high. You have the right to be proud you are such an amazing person!
Anyway, I'm going to step (or roll) off my soapbox now. After all, I'm just a naive teenager. Take care, and may the coming year be one of full of hope and improvement!
We share a name and a love of camping, Barbara. I also have thought that somehow I have needed to go all the way to bottom in order to heal from some sadness. That's a personal thought I've had for myself for many years. It takes the worst I can feel to make me decide exactly what you said: "Feeling sorry for oneself also accomplishes nothing."
(So we have a third thing in common.)
On a more psychological side, I agree that time set aside to mourn is very healthy. That is one way I manage the grief I have from my Dad's death.
(that other) Barbara
Just know I am thinking of you and you are always in my prayers!
We thought of you all day Saturday!Believe it or not I still mourn the loss of mobility in your foot and the fact that our sweet innocent Bennett will have a much harder life than he normally would have had. It's just NOT FAIR. What a childish thing for me to say, but it's the way I feel about it. I know that "FAIR" doesn't often happpen in life but it does happen in the most unlikely ways. You and Jim are strong people and so is Bennett. He is a tough and happy boy. He is surrounded by UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and so are you and Jim. All I want to do is enjoy Bennett every day.
And I do love the "conversations" that we have when we go on walks or when we are looking after him.
Anyone who wonders how we can communicate with him just have to listen to the inflections in his voice,motions in his face, his expressive eyes and to his talking his hands.
However I digress. That day is one of the worst that your dad and I have ever experienced and I still get nighmares over the "what ifs". I know better than to think of "what if". But, I do.
Have fun this weekend.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses
grandpa and grandma
Barbara - I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your whole family. What a difficult anniversary.
Your strength & attitude continue to amaze me. You truly have done wonderful things with the hand that you have been dealt.
Hugs Barbara.
Greetings from the Valley.
You are all in our thoughts everyday but you were especially so on Saturday the 19th. Three years must, at times, seem like yesterday to you. Remember that we are here for you and we love you...and yes, you are a 'Great Mom'. Bennett let's you know everyday just how special you are.
We are so thankful to have you and Bennett.
Continue enjoying your camping for another couple of weeks.
Love and God Bless!
xxx ooo xxx ooo xxx ooo xxx ooo
Nice blog! I'll be visiting often!
Claire
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